Imam Ridwanullah Jamiu Kayode, A lawyer, Hafiz, PhD researcher, and an author of over 15 books. His latest book, 20 Common Mistakes to Avoid in Our Marriage, is a labour of love — born from years of counselling couples and seeing the same patterns repeat. We talked with him about the book, the most common mistake couples make, and the one sentence he’d leave every marriage with.
Question: You’ve been Chief Imam of Lekki Central Mosque since 2014 . Looking back over the past decade, what moment or milestone at LEMU has meant the most to you personally?
A: The milestone that has meant the most to me over the past twelve years is being instrumental in the establishment of the Qur’an memorisation college and the primary for the Lekki Muslim Community. Several other developments have followed this feat, and the institutions have contributed immensely to the promotion of Islamic and formal education in the society and provided job opportunities for many people. The annual Imams’ conference is another achievement; it has helped bring Imams and scholars in Lagos together, promoting cooperation and mutual support among them.
Question: Before becoming Imam, you trained as a lawyer (LLB, LLM) and are a Hafiz of the Qur’an . How do these two worlds — law and Islamic scholarship — shape the way you lead and teach?
A: Being a trained lawyer and Hafiz has really combined to give me a better approach in understanding and dealing with many religious and contemporary issues. An Imam who lacks either may not be well poised to have such a broad perspective and balanced position on some matters. I do not practice law professionally though.
Question: What inspired you to write 20 Common Mistakes to Avoid in Our Marriage? Was there a particular conversation, counselling session, or pattern you kept seeing that pushed you to put pen to paper?
A: I was inspired to write the book because of the prevalence of marital disputes and divorce, and because of my experiences from counseling sessions.
Question: Of the 20 mistakes, which one do you find couples struggle with the most, and why do you think that particular mistake is so important?
A: The mistake most couples struggle with is communication and trust. Most marital disputes arise from how we communicate and how we show commitment to our partners.
Question: In an interview with INDEPENDENT, you spoke on Tips For Successful Marriage about tolerance, communication, and making du’a for each other . How does the book go deeper than general advice — what practical or Quranic frameworks do you offer?
A: Respect, appreciation, protection and prayers, which promote marital harmony _ are often conveyed through communication. Rudeness, nagging, yelling, angry outbursts, negative profiling and cursing, which often cause marital discords _ are done through communication. This is why Allah says (Al-Ahzab 33:70-71)
“Believers! Fear Allah and say the right words.
He will [then] amend for you your deeds and forgive you your sins. And whoever obeys Allāh and His Messenger has certainly attained a great attainment.”
Question: In Mistake #15, you advise wives to be patient if their husband takes another wife. That’s a very sensitive topic today. How do you counsel couples — and parents — who are struggling with this?
A: Polygyny could be challenging as monogamous unions can be challenging. Life is not without challenges. Fear of Allah, patience, forgiveness , understanding, emotional discipline, dutifulness and good counsel are very instrumental to surmounting the challenges of marriage generally and polygyny especially.
Question: If you could leave our community with one sentence about marriage — one sentence they’d remember and carry with them — what would it be?
A: For women, be a righteous wife to your husband. To men, be the best to your wife. The Prophet SAW said, ” Life is precious; but the most precious thing in life is a righteous wife.” He also said, “The best of you, are those who are best to their wives.”
